My Children's Mother

Being a single parent can be challenging, but I know I have it pretty good.  Yes, we ran out of syrup this morning (again).  Maybe we have pancakes too often,  I don’t know.  It doesn’t help that the boys insist on putting the syrup on their pancakes by themselves.  Is half a bottle of syrup for two pancakes too much? I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it is. When your kids are drinking their syrup through a straw, it’s a pretty safe bet that you should rethink the issue of who’s in charge of syruping the pancakes.  (I think I’ll put that piece of advice in my forthcoming book “Super Daddy.”)

My challenges, I know, are minor, and I really have no complaints.  It’s not like my children and I are stranded far from home and family.  Nor is my former spouse on the other side of the world, unable to help.  She is, in fact, about a block away, we have shared custody, and she is always willing to help, if need be.  We don’t always see eye to eye, though.  Probably because I’m taller, by about half an inch.

As you might expect, the fact that I towered over my ex created a certain amount of marital discord.  I used to call her “Half Pint” and “Shorty Shorty Shorty Short Short.”  Sometimes, she would try talking to me and I’d pretend that I couldn’t see her for a few . . . hours.  Then I’d look down and say, “Sorry, I didn’t see you there, Smurfette.”  Then we’d both have a good laugh, except that she wasn’t laughing.  So I guess it was just me laughing.

While my ex and I don’t always agree on things, we both love our children, and they love us.  Or at least they say they do.  Sometimes it’s really hard to tell whether they’re telling the truth about how they feel about us or whether they’re scheming to get sweets.  We’ll see how much they love us when the Halloween candy runs out.

My ex has taken the lead in getting the boys ready for their upcoming sports seasons.  I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that she wants Jackson to play football.  Maybe it’s because she knows that girls like football stars.  I don’t think Jackson will need to play football for girls to be interested in him, though.  Not if he’s anything like his old man.  I remember going on at least one date in high school, and I didn’t play football. 

I’ll never forget that date.  We watched “Dances with Wolves.”  It was magical.  My favorite part was when that one Native American said:

Dances With Wolves.  I am Wind In His Hair.  Do you see that I am your friend?  Can you see that you will always be my friend? 

That really moved me.  And then I noticed that my date had eaten all of the Mike and Ike’s. We went out again, but as they say, Once bitten, twice shy.  But the point is, what kind of name is Wind In His Hair?  That seems like a pretty easy name to earn.  I think I’d like my name to be Kills Bear With One Punch So You Better Watch Out If You Know What’s Good For You But No Fear Ladies I’ll Treat You Right What Are You Doing After The Rain Dance.  Just by telling a girl my name, I could impress her with my prowess and ask her out at the same time.   

My ex is a good mother.  She may be short (5’7 ½” ha ha ha ha), but she’s a good mother to my children, and I appreciate that.  So if you’re not nice to the mother of my children, just remember, my name is Kills Bear With One Punch So You Better Watch Out If You Know What’s Good For You.


Please "like" Single With Kids on Facebook and recommend this site to your Facebook friends. You know, if you want. No biggie. But it'd be really awesome if you did.