I think clothing should come with expiration dates, just like food does. When I get salad dressing out of the fridge and I notice that it expired last October, I know that I probably should just throw it away. But I have clothing that's been hanging in my closet for years. While some of it may still be in style, some of it probably isn't. And for a single guy trying to get lucky, apparel can make or break you. Because if there's one thing I know, it's that women will only be interested in you if you are fashionably dressed.
The problem is, I don't have a clue about what's in style. I bought a shirt at the mall not too long ago. I got it at a clothing store that primarily targets high school-aged kids. Nonetheless, it was a decent enough looking shirt, so I bought it in my size without trying it on. The first time I tried it on after I got home, I thought I had accidentally bought the wrong size. The shirt felt two sizes too small. But no, I checked the tag. It was my size. So I started wondering--are teenagers really puny now? Or are tight, tight shirts in style? I still don't know the answer to that.
Now, back to my point: Let's say that I'm getting ready to go out on the town, like a jungle cat on the prowl. I look through the closet, reach for a shirt, check the tag, and see that the label says "Best When Worn Before October 1996." To me, the shirt looks fine. But the label is a clear warning that I better not wear this shirt unless I want to remain alone for the foreseeable future. So I get out the tight, tight shirt that I bought at the teenage clothing store and I know that the ladies will LOVE how I look, because this shirt has not expired.
But you can't just put expiration dates on clothes and be done with it. Clothes also need "Clothing Interaction Labels," similar to drug interaction labels. Just because the particular piece of clothing you are considering wearing isn't out of date, it doesn't mean that you can wear it with just anything. Black socks should come with a Clothing Interaction Label that says "Caution: Do Not Wear With Cargo Shorts. Or Any Shorts At All, You Dumb Ass."
That's what the clothing industry needs: expiration dates and Clothing Interaction Labels. Then all of us single guys can look good and turn heads and get lucky...wait wait wait. I just realized the problem with my idea. If clothing had expiration dates and Clothing Interaction Labels, then all of us guys would be on a more or less even playing field, fashion-wise. Would that make things easier or more difficult with the ladies? Would I have to develop my personality to keep my edge? Do I even have an edge? Or a personality?
Maybe messing with the natural order of things just isn't worth the price.
